I think this time he got put awayfor wearing a PUMA shirt......
And rightfully so, I guess
I think I've mentioned before that the most nerve wracking 2 minutes of my day are the walk from my truck to Jaxon's classroom. I'm always half expecting to walk in and see him in a straight jacket, strapped to a moving dolly, wearing a weird looking face mask with bars on the mouth, creepily saying, "Hello Clar--I mean, Daddy, I've been expecting you." Everyday, thoughts like that go through my head. Well, everyday but yesterday. Because yesterday, when I pulled up, I noticed Jaxon walking across the parking lot with the 1 year olds. At his school, anytime the teacher walks the class anywhere, she walks backwards while holding onto a rope that has a bunch of rings attached to it, and each kid holds onto their own ring. Apparently, this is common practice, but something that I've never personally seen. (This is not too big of a surprise. There are lots of things that are common practice but that I've never personally seen. Like living in a house with less than 7 people. I'm sure it happens pretty often, but I've never seen it. Or like being able to make dinner with only 1 box of macaroni, and less than 2 lbs of chicken. Fairly common, just never seen it.) Anyway, it was strange seeing Jaxon, holding onto the first ring, walking with the 1 year olds. He's never with the 1 year olds. When I walked up, I could tell he was excited to see me, but he wouldn't let go of his ring. He knew he wasn't supposed to. The teacher told me that Jaxon wanted to go for a walk with them, and asked if he could help her take the 'babies' for a walk. Then he looked at me and said, "Walk with us, Daddy? Wanna help babies walk?" "Of course, buddy. I'll help the babies walk." So we continue on the slllloooooooowwww journey back to the classroom. As we're walking, one of the babies tripped and fell. The teacher grabbed her really quick, but asked Jaxon to lead the rest of the kids back to the classroom, and told the little kids, "Okay, now everybody follow Jaxon." So Jax turns around and starts walking backwards like the teacher was. When we got to the door, he even held the door open as the little babies walked through it. You could tell that he knew he was in charge, and he seemed so completely conscious of their well-being. It was the sweetest thing I've ever seen. And they must've been doing some sort of construction in the building, because my eyes started to get watery. Or maybe it was allergies. Or someone was peeling an onion. Or pink eye. In both eyes. After seeing all of this, I started to feel guilty for ever calling him a demon, and making jokes about his impending prison term. But THEN I walked into his classroom. When I picked up the clipboard to sign him out, I noticed a folded up green piece of paper with the word 'King' written on it. Oh boy. I've seen these before. They always put the bad notes on green paper. I guess it's better than a pink slip.....for now. So I open up the green piece of paper and scan through the 'Jaxon bit a kid' note, but I was distracted by what I saw underneath the green slip. Another green slip that had 'King' written on it. Seriously? Crap! So I open that one up, 'Jaxon bit and punched anoth---' but then get distracted by yet another green slip underneath IT. 'King'. You gotta be kidding me? So I shoot an embarrassed glance over at the teacher, who was quietly waiting for me to look over at her. Immediately, my nervous retardedness took over, (I have a tendency to say retarded things when I get nervous. I just hope I didn't pass this trait down.)
Me: So are these just backdated from the past few months? or.........um......?--
Teacher: Nope. Those are all three from today--
Me: But just three copies of the same incident? or.........um.....?
Teacher: Nope. Three separate incidents.
Me: Oh, right. Ummmmm. I uhhhhh. Sorry.......I uhhhhh.......we don't.....ummmmm.......condone.....or.....let......that's ummm.......Sorry again. Jaxon! Let's go, bud!
Whenever this happens, and the teacher has to tell me about some fight that Jaxon got into, I feel like she's waiting for me to confess that we're a family full of biters or something. It's as if she thinks that deep down I know why Jaxon is always getting in trouble, but I'm just not telling her. Like we're teaching him Jiu Jitsu at home, preparing him for the octogon. Or maybe she thinks that he's learning that behavior from home, and I'm a wife-beater. (But she's got that all wrong. I WEAR wife-beaters. I'm not A wife-beater. There's a difference. Besides, anyone who knows Rach and I's relationship knows that I would be the one on the receiving end of any domestic beatings) Or maybe she, like Racheal, thinks I look like someone who needs to be arrested.
This actually happened, by the way. We went through a DUI checkpoint one night on our way home from the beach. I had Keith, Gavin, and Cole in my car, and Rach was in front of me with the rest of the kids in her car. Of course, I got stopped because I somehow retardedly left my license at home AND didn't have a copy of my registration in the car. Rach saw me get stopped, then pulled over to the side herself. When the cop approached her car to see why she pulled over, she said:
Rach: That's my husband back there. He has some of my kids in his car. I'm just making sure he's not getting arrested for anything.
Cop: Why would he be getting arrested for anything?
Rach: He's a big, muscular, bald guy with no shirt on and tattoos. He looks like someone that needs to be arrested.
Cop: (Radioing back to the other unit) Use caution, unit 247.
But what if I passed on the 'face that people love to punch' gene? Anytime any of my friends started a fight at a bar, or even if it wasn't my friends that started it and it was just random people fighting around me as I minded my own business, I was always the first person to get punched in the face. Most of the time I was the only person to get punched in the face. So maybe Jaxon's fighting woes are my fault. Maybe they can be explained through complex DNA, Biogenetics, Genetic Engineering, and some other high end science stuff. Yep. Lets' go with that explanation. At least that way I'll have something to tell the teacher when she gives me the disappointed look next time.
On another note,
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