I messed with some of the innards of my handheld people talking device (cell phone), so that I can record motion video clips on such device and send the motion video clips (through the tubes on the interweb) to your wife, who will then try to show these video clips to you on her computer box, even though you can't see anything, which will just require her to verbally explain what's on the screen anyway.
Level 2 - Tech Challenged
Example: My mom
Computer Knowledge Background:
She's almost computer literate. She can email, navigate through windows, get on the internet, etc. But she only knows how to do exactly what she knows how to do; no more and no less. Introducing new concepts is not an option. We've tried setting her up with a facebook account 13 times. But she's perfectly content as long as she can get to this blog website, upload pictures to walgreens.com, and send emails to everyone who will listen about how smart Jaxon is.
Explanation of Jailbroken iPhone Benefits:
I can now take videos of the kids and instantly upload them to either the blog or to the following website:http://www.qik.com/kingjeff1. Because apparently you aren't getting enough of a fix with just the blog alone. I'm pretty sure that in the not so distant future, you'll be able to virtually sit in my living room 24 hours a day. I imagine it will be a lot like the living portraits hanging on the walls in Harry Potter.
Level 3 - Tech Dangerous
Example: My wife
Computer Knowledge Background:
She knows just enough to accomplish day-to-day tasks, but is stubborn enough to be really, really dangerous. She still sends me documents to pdf for her, and uses me as her personal tech support, yet she won't believe any of the explanations that I give her as to why something won't work. She'll somehow get it into her head that some crazy impossible feature is actually quite possible. And she'll say things like, "I know it can be done. I heard the guy at the post office talking about it." or "Of course it's possible. I saw it on Oprah." These sentences are inevitably followed responses like 'I'm sorry, but we can't turn your laptop into a hovercraft!' and 'Do you understand how much work would be involved in installing a scratch and sniff monitor?'. Which is then immediately followed by her Googling the ridiculous idea, installing a bunch of unnecessary items, deleting a bunch of necessary ones, changing around the system files, then making me fix it.
Explanation of Jailbroken iPhone Benefits:
I can now set your phone up to serve as a wireless access point so that you will always have an internet connection for your laptop. So from now on, you can use your laptop to Google ridiculous things while you're driving, which will be much safer than having to focus on the much smaller iphone screen. (Did I mention how much I love my wife yet today? I'm feeling a very strong desire to profess my love for her right now. Not sure why. I guess this is the feeling that dogs get when they know a storm's coming.)
Level 4- Tech Sufficient
Example: Jaxon
Computer Knowledge Background:
Has known how to unlock my iPhone, and open the youtube application so that he can watch 'The Wiggles' videos for more than half of his life. He's recently learned how to play JellyCar, Bobsled Mania, Monkey Island, and NFL2010 on my phone.
Explanation of Jailbroken iPhone Benefits:
I fixed my phone so that I can save 'The Wiggles' videos from youtube, which means you won't ever have to angrily yell at the phone for taking too long to load ever again. It also means I can download more silly games for you to learn how to play.
As you can see, he's wide awake. That's because he doesn't actuallysleep in this bed. He lays in it until we fall asleep,
then comes and gets in our bed
Level 4- Tech Savvy
Example: Cole
Computer Knowledge Background:
When he was 5, Scarlett would get up in the middle of the night and turning the TV on. So I unplugged the TV. She got Cole to fix it (Remember, she's Racheal's clone). More late night TV. So I unplugged the receiver from the TV. She got Cole to fix it (I'm sensing a generational pattern). More late night TV. I completely unplugged everything from everything else; TV, cables, DirecTV receiver, and DVD player. She got him to fix it again. And I'm sure you can guess Scarlett's response when I asked her about it. Yep. "Cole did it!" (Seriously, evil genius) Of course, Cole had no idea what was going on. Never bothered to ask why everything kept getting disconnected. It's just like his video game skills. He might not know WHY he's doing something on that arbitrary video game level, but he knows that's how he gets to the next level. If Cole was playing a gene splicing game against a biomedical engineer (Doesn't that game sound fun?) he'd clone a human before the engineer could get a weird looking ear on the back of a rat.
Explanation of Jailbroken iPhone Benefits:
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If there was ever a list of acceptable things to do with your cousinas a kid ONLY, I think this would be on it
So here's a couple of cutesie Jaxon videos to get you started. But I've been thinking. Anyone can post cutesie videos for people to see. Awww, look how adorable. But adorable is overrated. I think I might take the opposite approach. Because for every cute Jaxon video, there's a video of Cole and Scarlett arguing about who got the bigger piece of cake. Or a video of Tori getting her phone taken away. Or a video of Gavin doing.....ummm......uhh......let's see here...well, a video of Gavin doing exactly what we told him to do. (Gavin is seriously the only one that routinely does what we tell him to do. If it weren't for Gavin, Cole would probably be grounded for the next 832 years. I'm not even exaggerating.) But be prepared for any kind of video. It doesn't even have to be that interesting. Like maybe a video of Keith doing the dishes. Or a video of Jaxon eating macaroni and cheese. Trust me, watching Jaxon eat mac and cheese is more riveting than anything presently on TV. (Except for maybe Tool Academy 2 on VH1. It's by far the greatest show ever made.) Anyway, I've got to go. Rach wants me to get one of those Harry Potter frames installed for my mom. She's Googling it right now.
Did that story with me and Dad really happen? I must have blocked that out, because I seriously don't remember that. I do remember trying to show Dad how to get onto the internet once. After walking him through it for like 10 minutes, I asked him if he had any questions. When he pointed to the mouse and asked what it was, I knew I would never get those 10 minutes back.
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