It's a Win, Win, Win!!

I've made it no secret that those hacks, Jon and Kate, are my arch nemesises. (nemisi? nemises? nemiseses? Whatever the plural form of nemesis is, that's what they are) I say this because they've been making something like $70,000 per episode, and they are significantly less attractive and less interesting than Me, Rach, and the kids. I don't mean that to sound arrogant or cocky, but it's true. We're better than them. So they 'shocked' everyone last night by announcing that they'll be filing for a divorce. Awwwww. But it's okay, I've come up with a way to make everyone happy....and rich! Kate wants to stay on TV to maintain her level of income that she's grown accustomed to, and Jon doesn't want to because he can't stand Kate. So here's the brilliant solution; We give them a reality show where Jon takes four kids, and Kate takes four kids, and we pit them against each other in a duel type challenge. Jon and Kate are the 'captains' of their respective teams. We have kid draft, flip a coin to see who has first pick, then set them up in ridiculous parenting challenges. Maybe a peanut butter and jelly sandwich challenge, or see who can get their kids to clean their rooms the fastest, or maybe a minivan challenge to see who can get each of their kids to their respective practices in the least amount of time. The possibilities are endless! And we make it so only the winning team gets any money, so Jon would definitely be on board because he'd stand in the way of Kate's fortune. And I get a producer credit on the show, so I get to make money off of them too! It's brilliant. It may need some tweaking, but the concept is dead on. I thought of all this on my ten minute drive to work this morning.








Okay, on to serious business........

King Jaxon Has Returned!!

This boy is a mess. An absolute mess. Maxine came back with Jax and Tori last night at about 8 o'clock, and I don't think he's stopped talking since. His mouth never stops. 'Sit down, daddy? Lay down, daddy? Stand up daddy? Lay down, Izzy! Izzy, lay down!! Upstairs, daddy? Take a bath, daddy? Toys, daddy? Can I watch wiggles, daddy?' Seriously, just rapid fire questions with no real chance to answer.





I'm glad he had fun at his Mimi and Papa's, but you can tell he spent the last week leading them around by their reigns like a pair of horses. Just completely spoiled, which is okay I guess. And speaking of horses.......





I'm sure I've mentioned that my dad is a little crazy. Not like super duper crazy, just a little bit crazy. Like washes his clothes in a crawfish pot 24 hours after hurricane Katrina crazy. (I asked him why he was washing his clothes on the propane burner, and he says,'Gotta have clean clothes.' It was 24 hours after the storm. He didn't have a change of clothes that was clean?) Anyway, he calls me up the other night and says in his serious deep voice:



Dad: Hey son.



Me: What's going on, Pops? (long pause)



Dad: I've got a question for you. (another long pause)



Me: Um, alright, shoot...



Dad: (another really long pause like he was about to ask me to donate him a kidney) I've got an opportunity to put Jaxon on a horse. What do you think about that?



Me: (utterly confused) Wait, what? Like a real horse?



Dad: Yeah like a real horse.



Me: Where will you be?



Dad: I'll be right there with him.



Me: I mean, you'll be watching him, right? You'll be there though?



Dad: Yeah I'll be there. I won't let anything happen to him, I just wanted to run it by you first.



Me: Um, okay. (still kind of confused) Yeah, Go ahead and put him on a horse.......




And he did. He did put him on a horse........