eParenting

In many ways technology has made parenting massively easier.  Communicating with your kids, knowing where they are at all times, keeping track of their grades, etc is much simpler now than it was when I was growing up.  This particularly comes in handy when you have six kids, and most, if not all, of those kids have some sort of activity going on every weekend.  Such was the case this past weekend when Cole and Gavin had their football banquet/awards ceremony, Scarlett had a dance recital, and Jaxon had a Saturday/Sunday soccer tournament an hour and a half away in Columbia.  It’s always fun leading up to the weekend when Rach and I try to figure out which kids we’re going to disappoint.  Basically, it’s all about playing to your strengths.  We knew Rach had to go to Scarlett’s dance recital because there was no way I would be able to do her hair or makeup.  I’ll never forget when Scarlett was 3 trying to put her hair in a ponytail and she looked back at me with the most disappointing face you could imagine, “I got it, Daddy, you’re not very good at this.” And she snatched the brush out of my hand.  I haven’t done her hair since.  We also knew I had to take Jax to his tournament on Sunday because we had to leave early and if Rach leaves the house before 7am she will spontaneously combust.  (That might not be true but we’ve never been able to disprove it either).  So Sunday was covered, but Saturday I had to decide between the tournament and the football banquet.  That decision also happened to be made for me because the football team was holding their banquet at a paintball facility.  Then plan was to play paintball for four hours then have the awards ceremony after.  Paintball sounds awesome, right!?! Umm, negative.  First of all, I’m old.  I’m not quite ‘socks and sandals’ old, but I’m definitely creeping in on ‘only watch Fox News and the Weather Channel’ old.  Second of all, I’m not a small person.  I’m a little over 6 feet tall, and probably about 3 feet wide.  I’d basically be a like a lumbering sheet of plywood out there for kids to shoot at.  There’s no way I’d leave that place looking like anything but a Sherwin Williams paint swatch.  Paintball?  No thanks I’ll pass.  Lucky for me, the school Periscope’d the awards ceremony so I was able to watch Cole and Gavin get their awards.  Gavin even gave a speech.  Just kidding.  Gavin only says about eight words a day, and three of those are “What’s for dinner?”.  (Oh by the way, if you don’t know what Periscope is, turn off the weather channel for a minute and do a search on the google.)  Score one for technology. 

On Sunday, Jax’s team made it to the championship game of their tournament (which they won by the way), so I wasn’t able to get back in time for the dance recital.  

If this were 20 years ago I’d have to rely on the explanation of others to hear how good Scarlett did, but within minutes of the performance being over Rach had it on Youtube.  I actually watched the video while driving back from Columbia.  And before you start to judge me, you should know that watching a video while driving wasn’t nearly as dangerous as the ugly cry I had going while watching the video while driving.  Don’t bother calling the cops, I’m sure the statute of limitations is up by now.  Score 2 for technology.

One of the major flaws with technology, however, is that you have to know it exists in order to adequately make use of it.  Jaxon also had a school project to do this weekend, which involved taking a stuffed animal with him everywhere he went and taking pictures to document their adventure.  He would then bring in the pictures to share with the class.  Pictures…on paper…that you could hold in your hand…without your phone….like the old days.  How do you even print a picture nowadays?  Do they exist?  Would we have to go to a museum to get them printed?  I had no idea.  And before I go any further with this story, let me just state that I take full responsibility for this mishap.  This was my fault.  I could’ve used the google to figure it out but I didn’t.  I listened to my mother, who is wonderful, and awesome, and we love her, and we couldn’t do life without her.  However she is not the most technologically savvy person that I know.  She told me that you can buy those disposable cameras to take pictures and then they’ll develop them right there in front of you.  Now based on my knowledge of printing out pictures, this seemed totally legit.  The last time I had to put a picture on a piece of paper, I was in college and Bill Clinton was president.  Red flags should have been raised, though, when I went to Rite-Aid and found one lonely, dusty disposable camera in the ‘Ghosts of Electronics Past’ aisle right next to the fax machine toner.  Fast forward to Monday afternoon when Rach is driving around all of creation looking for a 1-hour photo developer and at every stop FaceTiming me to show me the electronic Do-It-Yourself photo stations that print out digital pictures from phones, thumb drives, CDs, SD cards, etc.  And in the most disappointing voice you could imagine, “You’re not very good at this.” Technology 2, Jeff 0.