As most of you already know, Rach is in Israel right now. Yes, that's right, Israel. Trust me, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking,
'Really?! She went to Israel now?! Does she have any idea what is going on over there right now?!'
But don't get confused, Israel was not her first choice for a vacation. But apparently there weren't too many flights going to Libya or Japan right now. Just kidding. I realize that it's not exactly an ideal time to be traveling to the middle east right now, but Rach has been wanting to go for years. And if she waited to go to Israel until there was peace in the middle east; well that would be like postponing your Mardi Gras trip because you're waiting for New Orleans to adopt prohibition. It's just not gonna happen.
Anyway, I'm sure your next question would be,
'How on earth would you let your wife go to Israel by herself?'
And my response would be, If you think that I've ever 'let' Racheal do anything, then you don't really know her too well. I 'let' Racheal do stuff about like the coyote 'let' the roadrunner get away. There's not much I could do about it. Besides, we talked about it back in September when she was thinking about going. In fact, we had this conversation:
Rach: The church is going to Israel in April. I really want to go. Would you want to go?
Me (Using the default high pitch voice that you only use when you're stalling; trying to come up with an excuse, and as you repeat yourself, your voice gets higher and higher. And you end up sounding like a mix between Adam Lambert and Rain Man.): Oh, Israel? Umm yeah. Yeah, absolutely, yeah, definitely. Definitely Israel.
Rach (sniffing out my lie like a drug dog): Really? Would you really want to go?
Me: Umm, no, not really. I don't think I'd like to go.
Rach: You really wouldn't want to go?! Why Not!?!
Me (now just trying to stay above water): Well, you know what? Maybe I do want to go. It could be fun. Yes, I think I would like to go.
Rach (At this point, she's working my brain like a speed bag): Do you want to go because you really want to go? Or do you want to go because you don't want me to go by myself?
Me (waving the white flag): Umm, pretty much because I don't want you to go by yourself.
Rach: Well I don't want you to go if you're just going to ruin my trip...
Ouch. Ruin her trip? At first, that seemed pretty harsh. But it only took me 2 seconds to picture myself in Israel, taking a tour of some ancient temple in the desert; waiting until the end of the tour, then raising my hand, and in my best Pee-Wee Herman voice, saying, "Where's the basement? Aren't we going to see the basement?" And then Rach looking at me in disgust. And then I thought to myself how many Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome references I'd make. Or how many times I'd quote History of the World: Part III. And then I realized that, yes, I would definitely ruin her trip.
Besides, logistically, it made sense. If I didn't go, we didn't have to find babysitters for the kids. And it cut the trip expenses in half. So that was that. It was decided. Rach was going to Israel. For ten days. Which is an incredibly long time for us. It's the longest amount of time that we've been apart since we got married. So this whole week, it's just been me, the kids, and my parents; who moved up here last week. Well, by 'moved up here', I mean they have their camper parked in my driveway, Eddie Griswold style. My dad and I could've had this conversation.
Clark: So, when did you get the tenament on wheels?
Eddie: Oh, that uh, that there's an RV. Yeah, yeah, I borrowed it off a buddy of mine. He took my house, I took the RV. It's a good looking vehicle, ain't it?
Clark: Yeah, it looks so nice parked in the driveway.
[Raises glass to his mouth]
Eddie: Yeah, it sure does. But, don't you go falling in love with it now, because, we're taking it with us when we leave here next month.
I'm just kidding. Actually, my parents have been great. My dad gets up and brings the kids to school and picks them up. My mom brings Scarlett to dance practice. I've got it made. I haven't had to cook dinner one time since they got here. It's like I'm on my own mini vacation (without the 16 hour flight). Sadly, though, most of my vacation has been spent thinking about my wife. All day long, I look at the clock and add 7 hours, just to see what she might be doing. When I wake up, I think, 'Oh, I bet she's eating lunch.' When I'm eating lunch, I think 'She must be getting to her hotel right about now.' And I've even been waking up at night at around 11 or 12 just because that's around the time she'd be waking up in the morning. I know, it's sad. But don't laugh, I think this is probably what dogs do when their humans go on vacation. Just pacing around the house; going from one couch to another; getting water, making long, pathetic sighs, "HHhhhhhhhhhhggggmmmmm". The only difference between me and a lonely dog is that I have a job.....and a gym membership. Seriously, I've never gotten so much work done, or played so much basketball as I have this week. It's the only thing that I can do to keep my mind off of her.
And I'm not just saying this because I know that she'll read it. I really do mean it. I really do miss her. It IS somewhat comforting to think, though, that after 5 years of marriage, I want nothing more than to be with my wife. I know it sounds hokey. But a lot of people don't get there. A lot of people don't get to say that. And then I start to think to myself, 'Maybe I should've gone with her. Maybe I should've just sucked it up and pretend to enjoy myself just to be with her.' But then, just as I'm second guessing my decision to stay on American soil, Rach sends me this text message:
"I can't wait to bring you back here next year"
And I immediately think to myself, "Noooooooooooooo!!!!"
And then I think, "Well, at least I have a year to think up an excuse this time."
And then I think, "And maybe I'll just be able to copy and paste this blog post."
And then I think, "Or maybe she'll change her mind."
And then I think back on this past week and think, "Or maybe I should just go get my passport".
'Really?! She went to Israel now?! Does she have any idea what is going on over there right now?!'
But don't get confused, Israel was not her first choice for a vacation. But apparently there weren't too many flights going to Libya or Japan right now. Just kidding. I realize that it's not exactly an ideal time to be traveling to the middle east right now, but Rach has been wanting to go for years. And if she waited to go to Israel until there was peace in the middle east; well that would be like postponing your Mardi Gras trip because you're waiting for New Orleans to adopt prohibition. It's just not gonna happen.
Anyway, I'm sure your next question would be,
'How on earth would you let your wife go to Israel by herself?'
And my response would be, If you think that I've ever 'let' Racheal do anything, then you don't really know her too well. I 'let' Racheal do stuff about like the coyote 'let' the roadrunner get away. There's not much I could do about it. Besides, we talked about it back in September when she was thinking about going. In fact, we had this conversation:
Rach: The church is going to Israel in April. I really want to go. Would you want to go?
Me (Using the default high pitch voice that you only use when you're stalling; trying to come up with an excuse, and as you repeat yourself, your voice gets higher and higher. And you end up sounding like a mix between Adam Lambert and Rain Man.): Oh, Israel? Umm yeah. Yeah, absolutely, yeah, definitely. Definitely Israel.
Rach (sniffing out my lie like a drug dog): Really? Would you really want to go?
Me: Umm, no, not really. I don't think I'd like to go.
Rach: You really wouldn't want to go?! Why Not!?!
Me (now just trying to stay above water): Well, you know what? Maybe I do want to go. It could be fun. Yes, I think I would like to go.
Rach (At this point, she's working my brain like a speed bag): Do you want to go because you really want to go? Or do you want to go because you don't want me to go by myself?
Me (waving the white flag): Umm, pretty much because I don't want you to go by yourself.
Rach: Well I don't want you to go if you're just going to ruin my trip...
Ouch. Ruin her trip? At first, that seemed pretty harsh. But it only took me 2 seconds to picture myself in Israel, taking a tour of some ancient temple in the desert; waiting until the end of the tour, then raising my hand, and in my best Pee-Wee Herman voice, saying, "Where's the basement? Aren't we going to see the basement?" And then Rach looking at me in disgust. And then I thought to myself how many Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome references I'd make. Or how many times I'd quote History of the World: Part III. And then I realized that, yes, I would definitely ruin her trip.
Besides, logistically, it made sense. If I didn't go, we didn't have to find babysitters for the kids. And it cut the trip expenses in half. So that was that. It was decided. Rach was going to Israel. For ten days. Which is an incredibly long time for us. It's the longest amount of time that we've been apart since we got married. So this whole week, it's just been me, the kids, and my parents; who moved up here last week. Well, by 'moved up here', I mean they have their camper parked in my driveway, Eddie Griswold style. My dad and I could've had this conversation.
Clark: So, when did you get the tenament on wheels?
Eddie: Oh, that uh, that there's an RV. Yeah, yeah, I borrowed it off a buddy of mine. He took my house, I took the RV. It's a good looking vehicle, ain't it?
Clark: Yeah, it looks so nice parked in the driveway.
[Raises glass to his mouth]
Eddie: Yeah, it sure does. But, don't you go falling in love with it now, because, we're taking it with us when we leave here next month.
I'm just kidding. Actually, my parents have been great. My dad gets up and brings the kids to school and picks them up. My mom brings Scarlett to dance practice. I've got it made. I haven't had to cook dinner one time since they got here. It's like I'm on my own mini vacation (without the 16 hour flight). Sadly, though, most of my vacation has been spent thinking about my wife. All day long, I look at the clock and add 7 hours, just to see what she might be doing. When I wake up, I think, 'Oh, I bet she's eating lunch.' When I'm eating lunch, I think 'She must be getting to her hotel right about now.' And I've even been waking up at night at around 11 or 12 just because that's around the time she'd be waking up in the morning. I know, it's sad. But don't laugh, I think this is probably what dogs do when their humans go on vacation. Just pacing around the house; going from one couch to another; getting water, making long, pathetic sighs, "HHhhhhhhhhhhggggmmmmm". The only difference between me and a lonely dog is that I have a job.....and a gym membership. Seriously, I've never gotten so much work done, or played so much basketball as I have this week. It's the only thing that I can do to keep my mind off of her.
And I'm not just saying this because I know that she'll read it. I really do mean it. I really do miss her. It IS somewhat comforting to think, though, that after 5 years of marriage, I want nothing more than to be with my wife. I know it sounds hokey. But a lot of people don't get there. A lot of people don't get to say that. And then I start to think to myself, 'Maybe I should've gone with her. Maybe I should've just sucked it up and pretend to enjoy myself just to be with her.' But then, just as I'm second guessing my decision to stay on American soil, Rach sends me this text message:
"I can't wait to bring you back here next year"
And I immediately think to myself, "Noooooooooooooo!!!!"
And then I think, "Well, at least I have a year to think up an excuse this time."
And then I think, "And maybe I'll just be able to copy and paste this blog post."
And then I think, "Or maybe she'll change her mind."
And then I think back on this past week and think, "Or maybe I should just go get my passport".
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