The King-Sized Update......

Okay, deep breath. Aaaannnnnnnddddddd here we go. Today is officially the 4 month anniversary of the last time I blogged. I can't imagine what you could have been doing to fill that void in your life. Let me break it down mathematically for you. Let's say that I averaged 1 post a week when I was actively blogging. And let's also say that it took you an average of 15 minutes to read each post. That means that, over the last 4 months, I've spared you from wasting about 255 minutes of your life. That's over 4 hours! That's almost longer than Avatar. That's longer than it takes to watch a football game that Racheal doesn't understand why you're watching. Rach didn't understand why I was watching the BCS national championship game since LSU wasn't in it. And she may have had a valid argument if my affinity for football was brand new discovery for her. But I've always loved watching football. For crying out loud, WE MET AT A FOOTBALL GAME! I used to watch Division III preseason games! I could watch two guys play Madden online. It's not like I'm suddenly asking her why she has so many pairs of shoes! Or why she talks on the phone for hours at a time. But I digress...What I'm trying to say is that I think I have a lot of catching up to do, but I don't know where to begin.

I could write about how I just shaved my head with a razor about as sharp as a butter knife and know I look like Freddy Kreuger, but I don't think that would hold your attention for that long.

Or I could write about how I'm letting my beard grow out and it is glorious. It may be the greatest beard since Kelly Preston. The fan reactions have been a little strange though, I've had 3 different people tell me that I look just like Carlos Boozer. Which is ridiculous, because if there's a basketball player that I look like, it's probably this guy. But if I started writing about my beard then I'd probably have to mention the gray hair that's growing sporadically on my chin. And then I'd have to mention that I've contemplated just coloring in the gray parts with a sharpie. And that would be weird.

Or I could write about how we no longer have Tori and Gavin. And how we don't speak to Maxine anymore because she's started drinking again and thinks that Racheal is trying to ruin her life by caring. And that we had to just cut ties with them because of all of the drama that it was causing our family. But that would just be too depressing.

Or I could write about how the last month has been the most quiet, calm, drama free month that we've had since Jaxon was born. But that would be way too boring.

Or I could write about how I've been working 60 hours a week for the past few months, and maybe you'd feel a little bit of sympathy, but then I'd also feel compelled to tell you that my 60 hour work weeks are about 50 hours more per week than what I averaged for the previous year and a half.

Or I could write about Cole and Scarlett each came home with 1 B and the rest A's on their report card. But then I'd have to tell you that we grounded them for being slackers. (But then I'd have to admit that I understand why my dad used to ground me for low A's. It was because I was a slacker).

Or I could write about how Izzy and I each gained about 20 pounds over the past year. And that everyone acts surprised when I tell them how much weight I've gained, but no one really acts surprised when I tell them how much weight Izzy has gained. Which is good, I guess. Because that means that I'm carrying my extra 20 pounds better than my 40 pound dog.

Or I could write about how Keith moved out into his own place. And how every time I take the kids to the gym that he works at, as soon as Jax sees Keith, no matter who he's talking to, Jax screams out, "Hey, Uncle Farty Head!". And how I honestly have no idea why he does it.

Or I could write about how my parents decided to move South Carolina. And how they'll be here within the next two months because their house sold within the first week that it was on the market. And how it must be fate because their next door neighbor's house has been up for sale for over two years. And how Jax said that he guesses he'll have to stop picking his nose when his Mimi moves here. And how Mimi and Papa are looking for houses within walking distance of our house. And how awkward it's going to be when I tell them that Rach and I are moving back to Louisiana. (Just kidding, We can't wait for them to get here. You can't put a price on free babysitters. Love you, Mom!)

Or I could write about how big and grown up Cole is getting. That he's becoming such a good big brother. And that he's such a sweet caring person. Or I could write about how smart and gorgeous Scarlett is getting. And that, like it or not, she's becoming as strong and confident as her mother. Or I could write about how funny Jax is becoming. And that he's already using his humor to get himself out of trouble (He must get that from Rach.) Yep, I could write about these things, but I think I'll make you wait for the full stories. Because otherwise I'd owe you your 4 hours again.